Optimized Dating FAQ

What you need to know before installing a dating app

This is a compilation of short tips that were discovered and validated by users of Optimized Dating Discord server. The tips are aimed at heterosexual men, but many of the points will work for other people too. If you find something with which you disagree, let us know at the comments, and keep in mind the heuristic: if you are aware of two contradictory pieces of advice, try both and see which one works better for you.

1. What should I know before installing an online dating app?

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   Dating apps give new users a popularity boost. For the first few days after registering, your profile will be shown to more people to determine your baseline popularity - think of it as playing placement matches in a ranked online game. To make the best use of this boost, have good photos and good description ready in advance before you make the profile.
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   Tinder offers you a bonus of five limited-time popularity boosts if you use someone’s referral link to register. Ask your friend for their referral link, or use mine.
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2. Where can I get good photos for a dating app?
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   The best option is to hang out with your friend who’s enthusiastic about photography, which will naturally produce a lot of great natural shots in many locations. You don’t even need to tell anyone that you need photos for a dating app - taking photos of each other is just one of those activities that friends often do. Show your friend a cool photo for reference if you want to be more specific.
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   If none of your friends own a camera though, you might need to hire someone who does. Googling a photographer will mostly produce mostly professional photographers that pay for SEO of their site, which is a bit too fancy for a dating app in many cases. To get more casual (and cheaper!) shots, search the local geotag on Instagram, or search the hashtag #citynamephotographer, then message people whose gallery you like and ask the price of the photoshoot. More tips for hiring a photographer can be found here.

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   A less reliable option to get great photos is to visit the events that book an event photographer - weddings, nightclub events, festivals. You can approach the person with a camera and just ask for a cool photo - no need to specify you will use it for dating apps. It's fine to ask even if you don't feel worthy of having your picture taken: when plainclothed guys approach me at cosplay events and ask for a photo, I gladly do so and I make sure it's the best damn photo they ever had. Just make sure to ask the photographer where you can find the published photos later, and get their Instagram username just in case.
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3. How many photos should I have on my profile?
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   3-6. Any less and your profile will look barren, any more and your match will get bored scrolling through them. Your profile is as strong as your weakest photo, so it’s better to have a few strong photos rather than to upload everything you have. Disable any “automated photo sorting” features and put your best photo first, and your second-best photo last. The reasoning being that the first photo engages the potential match, and when they make a final decision they usually have the last photo in front of their eyes.
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4. How do I know which of my photos are the best?
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   Photofeeler. This free website is consistently described as a dating game-changer by OD community. It’s strongly recommended to upload all the photos there before you put them on your dating profile.
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   After you upload your photo on Photofeeler, you will need to rate the photos of other Photofeeler users of your preferred sex, and they will rate your photo in turn. You will see the consensus opinion of the userbase on where does your photo land on a ten-point scale. Well, three scales actually - Intelligence, Trustworthiness and Attractiveness. Of these, Attractiveness is by far the most important metric for a good dating profile photo, and unsurprisingly it is the one that people most often struggle to raise. Having an attractiveness below 8 is a good rule of thumb indicating you shouldn’t put this photo on your dating profile.
   
   If none of your photos are above 8, consider implementing some advice from this post.
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5. Should I just swipe right on everyone and pick who to text later?
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   No. The matching algorithms of dating apps are a closely guarded secret, but there are good reasons to believe dating apps punish over-swipers. This behavior may let the dating app know you are likely not attractive (since you swipe right on profiles that are not popular) and it can downgrade your visibility to popular users. In the worst case, you might get mistaken for a bot and get shadowbanned.
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   Instead, swipe right only on users with whom you would genuinely like to go on a date. Don’t get deterred by an empty profile description - if the pictures look good, treat it as a chance to find out about a person’s inner world at a later point. Don’t get intimidated by the profiles clearly out of your “league” - they are not all vain divas and catfish bots, some are just genuine people looking for a fun date.
   
   Also, try to start a conversation with everyone in your match queue. Leaving matches hanging just lets Tinder know that you’re not likely to text your matches, so it will downgrade your popularity.
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6. Any advice on writing a good dating profile description?
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   Keep it short.
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7. What should I text? How long should I text before asking someone out?

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   A reliable option is to start the conversation with a simple question so that your match can answer it immediately without putting much thought into it. Asking your match if they are living here or just visiting is a good example. After a brief chat, offer your match to exchange numbers or social media handles - it’s better to text on a side app, so that your match won’t be tempted to chat with their other matches while talking to you. Also, this way you won’t lose their contact if they get bored and delete the dating app.
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   Ideally, invite your match to meet up within the first conversation. In many cases, asking someone to meet as a first message will work too. Don’t text for multiple days without asking your match out - this is a common mistake of novice dating app users. People’s desires are fickle, strike the iron while it’s hot.

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   If your match doesn’t answer your message but has a social media handle in the description, try direct messaging them. It isn’t there just for show, many people actually prefer strangers to text them on social media. In fact, you can shoot the message right away, without matching.
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8. What time is better for dates?

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   Evening (6-10 PM) is a great time for a casual date. On Fridays and Saturdays you can extend your time together way past midnight, assuming you have a traditional work week. Other days of the week can work too, but you might have to finish the date earlier than you would have preferred.

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   It’s better to plan your first date on the same day you text, or at most the next day. If you won’t have time to date until the weekend, then start texting closer to the weekend.
   
   

   

   In some cases you might plan for a longer date, like going to a daytime event or travelling to a nearby city. In this case you could meet earlier, but you should still have enough places in mind to last you until the night.

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9. What places are best for a first date?
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   Choosing a good place for a date beforehand is highly advisable. It’s worth exploring different locations with different matches until you can find a spot that reliably leads to good results - then keep exploiting this spot with the rest of your matches. Here are some pointers what to look for.

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   • Cafes, bars, lounges: look for places where you can sit on a couch side-to-side (not across the table), preferably with dim lighting and no lines of sight between guests so that you can kiss in relative privacy.

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   • Parks, markets: look for places with street food. Many places have fun activities like arcades and amusement rides. You will need to find benches in low-traffic areas so that you can kiss in privacy (a common option is a footpath in the middle of the woods). Not recommended in cold or rainy weather.

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   • Landmarks: sightseeing is a great option if one of you is not a local. Bring a camera to take pictures, or ask your date to - even if the date doesn’t go well, you can get better photos for your profile. A high-up spot is great for embracing your date from behind (as in Titanic). You can combine it with going for food and drinks later, or you can make out right on the spot if you can find a private location.

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   In my experience, these cubes make for a great romantic hideout

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   • Cinemas: you might have heard that movie theaters are not great places for talking on a date, but they sure are great for kissing! Find the least crowded film and get the seats at the last row. Bonus points if your movie theater has retractable hand rests or even couches.

   
   

   • Karaoke: Western style karaoke is a large hall with tables where strangers sing in front of each other. This is not what I’m suggesting. What works really well is Asian style karaoke, with private booths for friend groups and couples. These places are fantastic for discreetly making out on a date. Singing is optional.
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10. My date is in an hour, how do I prepare?⠀

    Take a shower if you didn’t take it today yet, or if you worked up some sweat. Use soap and thorough scrubbing on your armpits, crotch, anus and genitals. Wash your hair with shampoo, then blow-dry it and use hair styling product. Use deodorant on your armpits. Cologne is optional but be careful not to overdo it - a tiny drop is enough. Trim your nails, and file them with a nail filer. Scrub the inside of your lip with the tip of your finger - if you can feel the edge on your nail, then so will your partner when your fingers will be inside them, and this is not pleasant at all.

    Pick an outfit you’ll wear for the date and inspect it for wrinkles, dust, stains and holes. Smoothen wrinkles with ironing, collect dust with a sticky roller, throw stained clothes in the laundry bin to use another day, and throw away anything with unintended holes - yes, this includes socks. Make sure your shoes are spotless, use the shoe brush or a rough end of the sponge to clean the white stripes on the bottom of the shoe.

11. I don’t live by myself. Are my dating efforts doomed?
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    Living with others is a handicap when it comes to dating, but not a fatal one. You can still meet with matches and kiss them, but if you want to have sex you will probably need to come up with a room. If you are uncomfortable with roommates or relatives eavesdropping on your every breath, you need to find a private location. Your date might live by herself or she might be a traveler living a hotel room. If you drive a car, it can be an option too. Barring these cases, you’ll probably need to dish out some cash.
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    Depending on your location, you might be able to rent a hotel room for as cheap as $27/night, or $4/hour if the hotel allows for hourly rates. Check AirBNB prices in your area, but filter for the “whole place for myself” option. Don’t rent hostels - even if they have a private room option, their bathrooms are typically shared with other customers, which could make things awkward for your date and will discourage you for practicing good sex hygiene.
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    You can book these places during your date if you two are kissing and want to take it further, or you can book them in advance and turn the whole thing into a fun stay-inside-date by sneaking in alcohol, ordering food and spending time together watching a movie, playing board games or whatever you prefer.
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That’s it, let me know if I missed any other common pieces of dating wisdom and join our Discord server if you have any other questions!